counter create hit How to Marry a Finnish Girl - Download Free eBook
Hot Best Seller

How to Marry a Finnish Girl

Availability: Ready to download

All the secrets about Finland and the Finns are finally revealed in HOW TO MARRY A FINNISH GIRL: Everything You Wanted to Know about Finland that Finns Won’t Tell You. Simply buying this book guarantees that you will: - Make Out with Your First Finnish Girl in 24 Hours (or less!) - Move to Finland in a city that doesn’t contain the word “poo” - Land a Job that Makes Your Finn All the secrets about Finland and the Finns are finally revealed in HOW TO MARRY A FINNISH GIRL: Everything You Wanted to Know about Finland that Finns Won’t Tell You. Simply buying this book guarantees that you will: - Make Out with Your First Finnish Girl in 24 Hours (or less!) - Move to Finland in a city that doesn’t contain the word “poo” - Land a Job that Makes Your Finnish In-Laws Proud - Not Only Speak Finnish Fluently, but Teach it too - Get on the Front Page of a Major Finnish Tabloid - Identify a Finn on holiday in the Canary Islands And More!


Compare

All the secrets about Finland and the Finns are finally revealed in HOW TO MARRY A FINNISH GIRL: Everything You Wanted to Know about Finland that Finns Won’t Tell You. Simply buying this book guarantees that you will: - Make Out with Your First Finnish Girl in 24 Hours (or less!) - Move to Finland in a city that doesn’t contain the word “poo” - Land a Job that Makes Your Finn All the secrets about Finland and the Finns are finally revealed in HOW TO MARRY A FINNISH GIRL: Everything You Wanted to Know about Finland that Finns Won’t Tell You. Simply buying this book guarantees that you will: - Make Out with Your First Finnish Girl in 24 Hours (or less!) - Move to Finland in a city that doesn’t contain the word “poo” - Land a Job that Makes Your Finnish In-Laws Proud - Not Only Speak Finnish Fluently, but Teach it too - Get on the Front Page of a Major Finnish Tabloid - Identify a Finn on holiday in the Canary Islands And More!

30 review for How to Marry a Finnish Girl

  1. 4 out of 5

    Kah Cherub

    ew, disgusting... white girls, run!

  2. 5 out of 5

    Bul

    Are you f***ing kidding me with this book cover? This is outrageous and disgusting! Shame on you!

  3. 4 out of 5

    Niina

    Right after "The 30-Day Guarantee" comes a small chapter "Don't let Finns read this book!" and I can see why, some might, and have, hated this book - though those people seems to lack a sense of humor, as I found this Hilarious! Seriously if you can't laugh at yourself and the idiosyncrasies of your countrymen then you are in deep shit. Talking about absolutely everything that is a cliché in Finland, this book is something that even I cringe at at times ( probably as somethings hit close to home Right after "The 30-Day Guarantee" comes a small chapter "Don't let Finns read this book!" and I can see why, some might, and have, hated this book - though those people seems to lack a sense of humor, as I found this Hilarious! Seriously if you can't laugh at yourself and the idiosyncrasies of your countrymen then you are in deep shit. Talking about absolutely everything that is a cliché in Finland, this book is something that even I cringe at at times ( probably as somethings hit close to home ;) ). "How do you tell if a Finn is an extrovert? He looks at your shoes, not his own!" Ummm, guilty. So there's truths there too, but the way they're told is so funny you end up being proud to be a Finn after reading the book, of course I can be bit bias as I got an American to follow me to Finland. ;) "Congratulations. You met a cute Finnish girl on the internet. She's convinced you that Finland is heaven on earth and you should move there. Since you're not doing much with your life at the moment, and your not going to get a girl of this caliber in your hometown, you figure "screw it", why not migrate?" And it strokes the ego a little, when Schwarzmann says the girls in Finland are beautiful and worth coming to Finland for, to endure the horrid weather, silent treatment, tiny apartments ( in the beginning called "love nests" ), endless nights during winter and the current borderline racist government party ( True Finns ). Yes, Finland is cold and the winters are long, but he also gives great examples on what’s great about Finland, like every year you get mandatory 5 weeks of holiday, of which most people Have-To take 4 in July and one in the middle of winter. Of course there is the learning of the most difficult language in world, Finnish... ( my husband has been here close to 7 years now and well-- it still doesn't look good ) but Schwarzmann gives few good tips about that also! "Taking Classes: ...But if you single, you're in luck as ALL Finnish teachers are female - desparate, broke, females who LOVE foreign men. Why else would they teach Finnish to foreigners? They get men right off the boat, they are like chefs going to the market at 5AM for the freshest fish." "Hire a Tutor: Your chances of sleeping with her are almost guaranteed. Unfortunately, they're rarely that cute." So, why does Schwarzmann ( I got to stop using his last name now, I keep friggin' misspelling it like there is no tomorrow! It's Phil from now on... ) figure foreign men want to get Finnish girls? Well apparently we're smart, beautiful and easy, umm... Most women in Finland are 8's, Finland has less amount of 10's than Sweden, but Sweden has less 8's... got it? I know, it gets bit confusing, I believe there is like math involved. Finnish women are easy to live with as we don't come with the daddy-clinging that Swedish women come with and Finnish women are independent even when it comes to paying for the check on a date. "Finnish guys split the check, even on the first date! In any other culture, that's like saying to your date, "Well I guess I'm not getting lucky tonight. Bye!" But in Finland this is perfectly normal. ... She'll try and pay for her half, but resist the urge. Let her pick up the tab after she's slept with you." Wait a minute! How come this sounds familiar??? Actually every tip this book gives about dating a Finnish girl is what my husband used. ;) Finnish guys just weren't as attentive of women, and open and flirty as my American was, how can you not love that? I could go on and on how great this books is, and erm, how accurate in that cliché kinda way, but I suppose I'll just have to stop and let you go get your copy - and do get one even if you are a Finn, I haven't laughed throughout a book in ages! Last book that I read that was almost as funny as this was Brett Sills' novel "My Sweet Saga" where an American travels to Sweden pretending to be an astronaugh. If you have anything at all to do with Finland: in-laws, Nokia connections, considering following your sweetheart to Finland, moving back to Finland from wherever your parent's moved to, or if you came to spend a summer here once - this book is for You. Or for someone like me, a Finn way too curious about what others think of Finland... Okay last quote, here are some pick-up lines to use on Finnish girls to get them to burst out laughing: "Put your tongue on my flagpole and see if it sticks." "No, that's not a Nokia Communicator in my pocket." A great tongue-in-cheek look at how a foreigner can survive in Finland and not stick out like sore thumb, great practical tips ( like where to live. I live in the finnish "ghetto", that eguals like the nicest part of Detroit ) and the crude, smooth talking accent of a stand-up comedian, spiced with the author's tweets about Finland! Like... @philschwarzmann - Can't wait to read some Wikileaks cables between Finland and the United States. "TOP SECRET: It's friggin' cold here, send us home. -Bruce" Right, stopping now - go get this book. *** P.S: I had the pleasure to be in the audience for the interview with Phil and Roman Schatz as they talked about Finnish Women, yesterday at the Helsinki Book Fair ( that was one hours of constant giggles, hence why I bought the book ). Got to meet him shortly afterwards as Phil's a friend of my husband's, and they both are American who moved to Finland due to a girl. Also he got married to his girlfriend last night! Congrast!

  4. 4 out of 5

    Pantteri4

    The main drawback of this book is not its offensiveness to Finns (it's not). Instead, it fails in many aspects: -it's wildly inaccurate (thus negating any chance it might have to depict the Finnish society to a foreigner) -It's written tongue-in-cheek, yet the humor is very juvenile - I might have found this entertaining when I was 20, but not since. -The basic premise doesn't hold (that's not how one marries a Finnish girl, no.) -The book does everything to try and scandalize in order to catch peop The main drawback of this book is not its offensiveness to Finns (it's not). Instead, it fails in many aspects: -it's wildly inaccurate (thus negating any chance it might have to depict the Finnish society to a foreigner) -It's written tongue-in-cheek, yet the humor is very juvenile - I might have found this entertaining when I was 20, but not since. -The basic premise doesn't hold (that's not how one marries a Finnish girl, no.) -The book does everything to try and scandalize in order to catch people's attention, starting from the cover. However, the end result is still bland.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Jenni

    As a Finn who's lived in the US for several years, I was excited about this account of an American's life in Finland. I really wanted to like this book and started off reading it, all ready to laugh. I don't think I laughed once. "Hm, that's a good point" maybe a couple times, but laughing, no. The problem with the book seems to be that it's probably adapted fairly straight from Schwarzmann's standup. I could imagine laughing in the audience if this was something he said on stage, but in book form As a Finn who's lived in the US for several years, I was excited about this account of an American's life in Finland. I really wanted to like this book and started off reading it, all ready to laugh. I don't think I laughed once. "Hm, that's a good point" maybe a couple times, but laughing, no. The problem with the book seems to be that it's probably adapted fairly straight from Schwarzmann's standup. I could imagine laughing in the audience if this was something he said on stage, but in book form, it just doesn't work. I pay more attention to the weird comments that don't seem to be based on anything, the strange 1970s Finland Schwarzmann seems to describe in his stories, the overly negative and depressed view of Finland where I just feel like shaking him and telling him to toughen up. Add to this the fact that every time he mentions men and women, I want to scream at the stereotypes - seriously, since when were Finnish WOMEN the only ones to care about shoes inside? does he think Finnish men don't clean their homes? That said, chapters 6 and 7 about employment and language are fairly good, but they don't make up for that rolling of eyes I did for rest of the chapters. If you're a Finn who has a negative view of their country and wants to desperately move out, you might enjoy this book, but for anyone else (especially anyone who wants to learn about Finland), you're better off leaving this book on the shelves. Also - the one-liners with his Twitter handle that are spread around the book? What on earth...? How many times do you need to print your Twitter handle in your own book?

  6. 4 out of 5

    Fent

    This is thinly disguised, pro open borders, social engineering propaganda to promote refugees getting with the local women. I've heard that it is a favourite of Angela Merkel. This is thinly disguised, pro open borders, social engineering propaganda to promote refugees getting with the local women. I've heard that it is a favourite of Angela Merkel.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Df999

    (((Uncle Chaim))) wants you to suck black c0cks.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Christian

    An absolute must-read book taking a tongue-in-cheek look at Finland, it's people and customs. As a immigrant to Finland (like the author) I found myself in stitches laughing at the accuracy and brutality of his humorous observations. I sometimes wondered about why he still chose to live here given some of his comments. However, by the end of the book I realised he has the same love hate relationship with the country. The love always being greater than the hate. Finns may not appreciate the humou An absolute must-read book taking a tongue-in-cheek look at Finland, it's people and customs. As a immigrant to Finland (like the author) I found myself in stitches laughing at the accuracy and brutality of his humorous observations. I sometimes wondered about why he still chose to live here given some of his comments. However, by the end of the book I realised he has the same love hate relationship with the country. The love always being greater than the hate. Finns may not appreciate the humour though...!

  9. 4 out of 5

    Phil

    That author sure is handsome!

  10. 4 out of 5

    Manuel

    Probably one of the most funniest books I've ever read about cliches and nationalities. But is sooooo funny (and true...). Really funny, although it was quite full of typos. Totally worth to read it if you have some relation with Finland ever. Probably one of the most funniest books I've ever read about cliches and nationalities. But is sooooo funny (and true...). Really funny, although it was quite full of typos. Totally worth to read it if you have some relation with Finland ever.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Adelaide

    not my type of humour for most of it. Some of the stuff he has written is a bit off to me. Some lines made me smile a little but would say get a friend to read it and just tell you the funny bits.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Leeni

    How to Marry a Finnish Girl is a tongue-in-cheek guide book on surviving the infamous Finnish winters, marrying a Finnish girl and much more. Despite its humorous style, there is a truth to everything the author says (but you still shouldn't start a conversation with "Like mämmi, I'm gonna cover you in cream, sugar". Really). If you are thinking of moving to Finland for real, the book is worth a read. You most likely won't learn anything useful, but the jokes go further than just "Ha ha, Finns su How to Marry a Finnish Girl is a tongue-in-cheek guide book on surviving the infamous Finnish winters, marrying a Finnish girl and much more. Despite its humorous style, there is a truth to everything the author says (but you still shouldn't start a conversation with "Like mämmi, I'm gonna cover you in cream, sugar". Really). If you are thinking of moving to Finland for real, the book is worth a read. You most likely won't learn anything useful, but the jokes go further than just "Ha ha, Finns sure drink a lot! And can't forget about the ice hockey!". Instead, you can expect jokes on Perussuomalaiset and the (lack of) Finnish food culture. What could possibly make you more Finnish than at least trying to understand our inside jokes? The book is mildly amusing and definitely something to look up for those who have an interest in Finland, and I believe Finns can also get something out of it. However, it definitely isn't for everybody. There were some parts in the book that were quite.. interesting. If you're easily offended (or a "kukkahattutäti", as we say in Finnish) I wouldn't recommend reading this book. Several extremely racist stereotypes, women being objectified and slut-shaming are a few things that kept bugging me throughout the whole book. It also gives a very poor example of an American in Finland. "Come on, the winters aren't that bad! Stop whining and learn the blasted language!" were some of my thoughts while reading How to Marry a Finnish Girl. Obviously these things are in the book for adding more humor and don't necessarily represent the author's values, but they were a crucial factor in deciding whether I like the book or not.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Jenni

    I can't give this a star rating, I just can't. It was a very easy read, at times a hilarious one, at times so spot on it was almost painful to read. It's not very often I go "oh that's me, that too is so me" when reading something, followed by "oh dear lord, so accurate it hurts". I know the book says don't let Finns read it, but I think if my fellow countrywomen and -men get upset by it, they simply lack a sense of humor. Sure, it's stereotypical, but so are we, so there is nothing to get upset I can't give this a star rating, I just can't. It was a very easy read, at times a hilarious one, at times so spot on it was almost painful to read. It's not very often I go "oh that's me, that too is so me" when reading something, followed by "oh dear lord, so accurate it hurts". I know the book says don't let Finns read it, but I think if my fellow countrywomen and -men get upset by it, they simply lack a sense of humor. Sure, it's stereotypical, but so are we, so there is nothing to get upset about. I don't know if this is the kind of book that'd make anyone want to marry a Finnish girl (or a boy) if they weren't considering that already, but then again, what do I know, I am that Finnish girl.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Sage Borgmastars

    Unlike the author, I am not an expat living in Finland. But, rather according to the book, as the foreign wife of a Finn - and an English speaking one at that, I am a bit of an oddity. My point being I should be the kind of audience that both understands his "insider" jokes and finds them funny. And while I did smile at times, this was just nothing that really stays with you. If you know Finland there wasn't much new, and if you don't it won't make much sense. Unlike the author, I am not an expat living in Finland. But, rather according to the book, as the foreign wife of a Finn - and an English speaking one at that, I am a bit of an oddity. My point being I should be the kind of audience that both understands his "insider" jokes and finds them funny. And while I did smile at times, this was just nothing that really stays with you. If you know Finland there wasn't much new, and if you don't it won't make much sense.

  15. 5 out of 5

    ms bookjunkie

    Moderately amusing. But then, I'm a Finnish girl, and thus not the intended audience for the book. (I think my cousin's husband might get a kick out of it.) I do have to say, all that change and adjustment (and new people and new situations) hurt my introverted taciturn Finnish homebody soul. Moderately amusing. But then, I'm a Finnish girl, and thus not the intended audience for the book. (I think my cousin's husband might get a kick out of it.) I do have to say, all that change and adjustment (and new people and new situations) hurt my introverted taciturn Finnish homebody soul.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Nina

    This book might be full of stereotypes, generalizations, exaggerations and cynicism. A lot of truth is said in it as well! Very entertaining!

  17. 5 out of 5

    Lydia Lee

    I don't get many of the jokes in the book, or how they are funny. I suppose I lack the "good sense of humor," which the author defines as "someone who laughs at your bad jokes." I don't get many of the jokes in the book, or how they are funny. I suppose I lack the "good sense of humor," which the author defines as "someone who laughs at your bad jokes."

  18. 4 out of 5

    Rebeca

    I'm sorry I paid for this. I'm sorry I paid for this.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Regina Vainik

    Zionist subversive propaganda. Gross cover. As a finish woman i would say don't buy or read this crap. Zionist subversive propaganda. Gross cover. As a finish woman i would say don't buy or read this crap.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Mike

    The audience for this book, non-Finnish men who have married Finnish women, is not large. From among this small group of people I think I am probably the only one who has actually read this book. Not that it is unreadable, it is actually very amusing, but not that many people, even those who have married Finns, give a shit, to be honest. Here's what you need to know about Finland. It is dark and cold most of the year. Finns are fine, boring people who drink too much. The mosquitos are unbelievab The audience for this book, non-Finnish men who have married Finnish women, is not large. From among this small group of people I think I am probably the only one who has actually read this book. Not that it is unreadable, it is actually very amusing, but not that many people, even those who have married Finns, give a shit, to be honest. Here's what you need to know about Finland. It is dark and cold most of the year. Finns are fine, boring people who drink too much. The mosquitos are unbelievable. Ice hockey is swell. There you go, that pretty much sums it up. This book is typically given as a gag gift and read on the toilet. At least that's where I read it, and by god, I can think of no more appropriate place. (Okay, this review was written in the spirit and tone of the author, and I do recommend this book, but only if you know some Finns and have actually spent some time Finland, and a plane change at the airport does not count.)

  21. 4 out of 5

    Anna

    It was funny. Not "I'm gonna marry you" funny, but funny enough that I scared my fellow Finns by laughing aloud in public spaces... Only Chinese tourists dared to sit next to me after I started reading this book at the airport. (Disclaimer: Nothing is "I'm gonna marry you" funny to me, because bleh, marriage... Weddings, however, now those are some good parties.) Not completely sure how much someone who hasn't spent quite some time in Finland gets out of this, but I'm sure there are some funny pa It was funny. Not "I'm gonna marry you" funny, but funny enough that I scared my fellow Finns by laughing aloud in public spaces... Only Chinese tourists dared to sit next to me after I started reading this book at the airport. (Disclaimer: Nothing is "I'm gonna marry you" funny to me, because bleh, marriage... Weddings, however, now those are some good parties.) Not completely sure how much someone who hasn't spent quite some time in Finland gets out of this, but I'm sure there are some funny parts to even those people. The more you know about Finland, the funnier this book is. Unless, you know, you get all insulted about some of the stuff. Luckily for me, I'm easy to please and hard to insult, so I enjoyed this one. The real test, however, will be the foreigner who is gonna read this next...

  22. 5 out of 5

    Sandra

    ”What’s your favorite Finnish restaurant outside Finland? Can’t name one? Don’t worry, no one can, there aren’t any. Finnish cuisine doesn’t really exist. Sure there are some specialties you won’t find elsewhere in the world but these were created out of necessity or durability, rather than taste. ” Just like in Sweden😎

  23. 5 out of 5

    Long

    At times this book is funny, but to make a really good book you just can't go with "everything is boring" and repeating same old things that's been over the media years ago. Also the author is sometimes very inconsistent and contradicts himself within few pages. Roman Schatz just does it better so only two stars. At times this book is funny, but to make a really good book you just can't go with "everything is boring" and repeating same old things that's been over the media years ago. Also the author is sometimes very inconsistent and contradicts himself within few pages. Roman Schatz just does it better so only two stars.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Jonathan

    If you're looking for a book that manages to be sexist, racist, insulting towards Finns and other nationalities all at the same time, then this book is for you. The cover itself is incredibly racist. This book is garbage and that's where I threw mine as soon as I finished it. The author should be ashamed of having written this. If you're looking for a book that manages to be sexist, racist, insulting towards Finns and other nationalities all at the same time, then this book is for you. The cover itself is incredibly racist. This book is garbage and that's where I threw mine as soon as I finished it. The author should be ashamed of having written this.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Amin Yashed

    Scandinavian here. What kind of cover is that of a book? Two black hands looking like it's about to grab a white girl? Terrible book, which is mostly aimed at insulting fins. The cover is also absolutley horrible. 1/5. Scandinavian here. What kind of cover is that of a book? Two black hands looking like it's about to grab a white girl? Terrible book, which is mostly aimed at insulting fins. The cover is also absolutley horrible. 1/5.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Katie Cat Books

    Brash. Sometimes over the top. Not so funny.

  27. 4 out of 5

    Emmy

    Quite funny, quite accurate, although slightly exagerrated.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Steven

    I wonder why anti semitism is on the rise. When will you write "how to marry a Jewish girl ? Just to give something positive this book is simply written enough that even a monkey can read it. I wonder why anti semitism is on the rise. When will you write "how to marry a Jewish girl ? Just to give something positive this book is simply written enough that even a monkey can read it.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Miitta Takvam

    The book is funny and accurate in some parts but also outdated already in some. Fun book to read in parts.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Nina Vinnari

    A stand up comedy written as a book.

Add a review

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Loading...
We use cookies to give you the best online experience. By using our website you agree to our use of cookies in accordance with our cookie policy.